Guys After The Game by Rowan Atkinson

말이 없는 마임으로 웃음을 주는 미스터빈도 좋지만, 인도인의 억양을 완벽하게 살려내면서 술취한 영국인들을 풍자하는 이 멋진 원맨쇼의 주인공인 그 역시도 박수를 보내지 않을 수가 없다..

Oh! Ha, good evening, gentlemen. No, no, no. That’s no problem. Come in, please. Although, although, perhaps if we could keep that delightful singing down a little bit. Oh dear! Obviously plenty of refreshment at the football game. No, no. Come in, do. No, no. That table is reserved. Am, it is also a table for two people. Perhaps, perhaps this table might be more suitable for… nine. If you’d like to step this way, gentlemen, please. Ah! Dear, let me help you up, sir. No, no, it is a tricky bit of floor, that. Er, deceptively flat. If you would like to take a seat. Er, yes, or perhaps….. on the chair.There we are. Right, now, what would anybody…? Quiet! Quiet, quiet, gentlemen, please. What would anybody like to drink? Nine pints of lager. Er? Eighteen pints of lager. Eighteen pints of lager! Now, if you’d just like to take a menu. Just pass those round. There…. and one for you, sir. Oh dear, there we go! Straight onto the floor. Here, let me pick it up for you. Oh, and again. I’ll tell you what. Try and grip it, sir, on either side, between the thumb and the four fingers. If you grip, it won’t always fall on the floor. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we just put it on the table? Here, let me rest it against your friend’s… head. There we are! There, that should be fine. Right, now what would anybody like to eat? Erm, oh, it is a lamb dish, sir. Yes, marinated lamb in coconut, with a cream sauce. Very nice. No, not [fucking] hot, sir. It is a… how can I put it? It is a medium spiced dish. Oh, well in that case, no, in that case you want the Bombay duck. No, no, duck, duck, duck. Oh, I see, it was your little joke. Very funny. Well done, well done everybody on that one. That was very good. No, it is the sheekh kebab that is like two little… turds. The shami kebab is a sort of a mince and onion rissole. A bit like cow-dung, sir. Yes, but in smaller portions, in fact. Ah, Rajeev, thank you. If you’d like to put the drinks down. Well, can we move your friend? Yeah, perhaps if we just roll him. Perhaps if we just roll him out of his cutlery…. and into the mango chutney. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine there. Thank you, Rajeev. Now, would anybody like any raita? That’s a kind of a yoghurt dip, sort of onion and cucumber. Yes, look, I think we’d better wake up your friend here. Well, no he’s not just having a little nap. He’s having a little nap face down in a pitcher of beer. He’s going to drown. Well… Oh dear! No, no, don’t worry, sir. Much better out than in. Don’t you worry about it. Don’t you worry about a thing. That just leaves all the more room for your… chicken curry, thank you very much. Do you know what your friend here might like to eat? Hello? What would you like to eat? A hot dog. Okay, I’ll see what I can do. So let me just go back on this, please. We want a cucumber raita, an onion raita, a paperback raita, but I’m presuming that’s a joke. Four meat curry, one Bombay duck, four rice, four sharmi kebab, and a hot dog. And anything else for starters? Just some poppadoms and salad and yoghurt and shit. Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Although I’m not sure you’ll be needing that last item, as you all seem quite full enough of shit already! Rajeev!